Date: Monday, March 14, 2016
Time: 7:29 a.m.
Place: Regan International Airport, Washington, D.C., between gates eight and seven.
… Because I’m sure Harper Lee thought, “I want to release a book that can be on display in an airport hallway that might also double as a dance club in the American film adaptation of ‘Girl With The Dragon Tattoo,'” when she (or someone) decided to release “Go Set A Watchman.” I’ve always heard that Regan was a nice place to fly out of, but I never expected it to make me feel like I should be wearing very tight pants in its Designated Place To Buy Orange Juice. The bar has iPads everywhere. You can purchase a bottle of Johnny Walker Gold. Either the sun hasn’t come up yet, or it, much like me, can barely stomach the thought of facing the day in front of it. Stay lonely, mate.
Oh, and I forgot toothpaste. My headphones continue to leak sweat (it’s exactly as gross as it sounds). And I made the all-too-fatal flaw (as I always do) of not wearing socks. You’re welcome, TSA. When I get the bird flu in 36 hours, I’ll be sure to let you know.
I was Chicago bound at first, but because I got here early (the perks of being … something), they switched me up to St. Louis. From there, I’ll arrive in Austin, about an hour-and-a-half before I had planned. Or at least so they say.
Wait. Time to board.